There are now three people in the Flapdoodle Marriage. Myself, the Flap-dude, and a gallon of Tung Oil. Let me explain. Since 1998 I have been happily married. Just me and the dude, no tung oil, or even the hint of the tung oil interloping to come. But I now fight mightily for Flap-dude’s affections night and day, and will continue to do so until this slightly rusted vixen gets drained to the last drop. And at the rate she’s willing to spread, it shouldn't’ be too long. But I’m gonna win. Tung Oil can’t make tuna salad just the way the FD likes it. (straight from the can into a bowl with tomatoes and avocado DON'T TELL THE TUNG OIL I am barely winning this war. )
It all started, as these things always do,subtly, innocently, frugally. Well, these are the ways into his heart, anyway. He came back from one of his favorite haunts with his usual load of --to me--incomprehensible DIY supplies, trinkets, and baubles. I've stopped even asking what the hell all this junk is for. But even I couldn't help noticing this coy, square jug with the old lady table on the front.
"What's this?"
"Not sure, really but look, it was only a dollar! And! Not only was it only a dollar, look how much it originally cost!"
I peer closely at an old tag from a long-extinct chain of hardware stores: $54. In 1984 prices, that's like, $174 dollars or something. She was valuable, but got at a bargain. And so it began.
As the days went by, I kept noticing odd webpages open on my browser. eHow pages on the uses of Tung Oil. Wikipedia entries as to its origin. (Flap dude confessed that since he wasn't sure how to spell tongue he wanted to find out if maybe it was from some animal's tongue. ) And then I started seeing new odd jobs popping up around the house. He and his little Tung Oil pal were having a ball all over the property. I come home from the store, there's a freshly tung oiled threshold to step over. That kind of thing. Never mind the ripping off the old siding project, or the new screen door on the porch. Oh no, it's all what can I do with my can of tung oil today. Suddenly, the sander's been broken out and there's all kind of action on the floors. Action of a tung oil nature.
Now, before I flap-out, can I just get an accolade or two for not working blue?*
*It would have been an easy course to take, but if you want to let'em fly in the comments section, please do. Show me whatcha got.
